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YEAH ARRESTED

Wanted criminal, Firstname Yeah, has been arrested after being on the run for 8 years. She originally escaped from the UK, making her way to New Zealand through forged documents under the alias "Lastname Yea". Apparently, she came here to hide from UK authorities.

uh what

Yeah has spent 6 years at an unnamed university to get a teaching degree. The reason she got it is unclear. After further investigation, it has been revealed that Yeah was originally from the small town of Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch. The mayor of this western Wales town expresses disappointment at this stain on the town name.

i dont know

Somehow, Yeah has been brutally rendered unconscious by three random girls, of which, one has died from a light fall onto soft carpet. Medical professionals have not been able to figure out the cause of death, some speculating that she has died of trauma. The girls now face charges for aggravated assault.